Each pregnancy is so so different

It has surprised me, so far, how different this pregnancy has been to my last two.. and how they were also so different from one another.

The man and I have shared two pregnancies together and I have had a further 2 pregnancies. The pregnancy which gave me my gorgeous son just over 10 years ago. And another pregnancy in November 2000 which ended in a "natural" miscarriage just days after finding out I was pregnant.
The two pregnancies which we have shared together - our honeymoon baby, which I had always wanted... and in a way was lucky that a part of that little dream had come true. But sadly it was a pregnancy which did not progress and it ended with a d&c in July 2008. And our early Christmas present, our "Hope" - we found out we were pregnant again on 14th December 2008 only to lose the baby on 14th January 2009 with a "natural" miscarriage. Exactly a week after we had an ultrasound which showed a gorgeous little heart beating away - it was all meant to be ok that time!

With our Honeymoon baby and our Hope, before we even found out we were pregnant I had the same thing happening. I had spotting. Each and every day... spotting! This was not only just plain annoying, it was also very stressful. I would have so many people telling me that it can be "normal" - but to me, it was anything but that. Particularly with the last pregnancy... after our first one had the same "symptom" and ended in miscarriage... It was hard to hold out hope that the same thing wasn't going to happen. We did hope that it would all be ok... and that we would get to meet our little baby (which I was already sure was a girl... I had the strongest feeling that she was our little princess) but unfortunately it wasn't to be.

With our honeymoon baby I had a terrible off feeling pretty much each and every day. I didn't ever throw up but cooking dinner was near impossible. The smell of the raw meat would make my stomach turn. I felt absolutely exhausted day in, day out.. no matter how much sleep I would get. I would have to eat very regularly so that I wouldn't feel sick. If I had an empty stomach I would feel worse, so I grazed a lot. And the spotting... the annoying spotting which scared me and made me feel like something was wrong. I guess, I was right.... But the man and I discussed baby names and we would think of the future and what it would hold for our family with our new addition. We started buying one small baby item each week while we did the grocery shopping to prepare for when baby came. We were devastated when we found out the pregnancy wasn't "viable".

With "Hope" I wasn't as tired as I had been with our honeymoon baby, yes I was more tired then normal, but not a great deal - after all... we had to move house and we had so much to do. There was no time for being tired. I did however suffer headaches, horrible headaches every day that I could not shake. And trying to be careful, I didn't want to eat panadol like lollies all throughout the day and night to get rid of them, so I only took panadol when they got extremely bad. My appetite this time around was non existent. The thought of eating made me feel off and when I did eat I would only pick. I often had an underlying nauseous feeling in general.
Before we had a positive pregnancy test we knew that we were pregnant. My boobs had gone up at least 1 cup sizes over the space of a week. They were huge! So big in fact, I took a photo of them :p They were sore and there were also some other changes in them which were extremely obvious.

This time around I have very few symptoms at all. About 6 days before we got our positive pregnancy test I jumped out of bed and nearly fell straight back down. I was dizzy, nauseous and felt so so lightheaded that I had difficulty showering myself that day.
This lightheaded feeling has continued on just a bit throughout the pregnancy, but only first thing of the morning before I eat anything. I am getting a bit tired here and there but nothing major. The man says I am "snappy" (although, I think he is just being more annoying then normal :p but who knows hehe). Other then that I am really not feeling pregnant at all. I wonder if this is my body and minds coping mechanism..... if I don't feel pregnant, maybe I won't feel so gutted if this Snowflake doesn't stick around??? Pfft, who am I kidding.. I would find it hard to get up the next day, as I have felt with each of my loses.. I would feel as though I had failed - once again. I would feel empty and lost and like a piece of me was missing. But... this time, I am not having any of the horrible spotting which plagued my last two pregnancies... maybe this time, just maybe, there is a light at the end of the tunnel? There is a finish line? There is a happy ending?? maybe, just maybe this time.. we will get a forever baby with this pregnancy.... I live in hope - once again.